


We Would Be Monsters Together

by Kurainova



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst and Feels, Drama & Romance, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 10:02:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6001849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kurainova/pseuds/Kurainova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After learning the truth about what she was meant to be, Amethyst feels betrayed by her teammates for keeping her in the dark. When she runs away, only to be captured by Homeworld scouts, she'll learn that being stronger may not always be better, especially when they choose to use her as a weapon against the Crystal Gems. Will they be forced to fight each other or will love be strong enough to save the day? (Post 'Too Far' canon divergent, Eventual Pearlmethyst)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I don't write often, so I'll have to ask your forgiveness if I don't update regularly. This is something I'm trying out, so please bear with me. Also, please feel free to point out any mistakes or issues with flow/pacing. I'm trying to improve my writing, so I appreciate constructive criticism.
> 
> Also, since I'm a music geek, I'm going to include recommended listening for each chapter - basically a song that I listened to heavily to get myself into the right head space. For the prologue I listened to Crywolf's The Home We Made Pt. II. Check it out. Tell me what you think.
> 
> Disclaimer: Unfortunately I have no affiliation with Steven Universe. These characters are not mine. I just enjoy playing with them.

There would be no escape for her this time. Pearl was cornered.

She turned quickly to see the lavender behemoth barreling its way toward her, blind with berserker fury. Reflexively, she summoned her spear, holding it at the ready as she had countless times before in situations such as this one, but as realization dawned on her, she allowed it to fall limply to her side and then to the hard dirt with a metallic clank. The weapon would be useless if she couldn't bring herself to wield it, and she knew she would not - not against her.

Instead, she shut her eyes tightly, bracing for what would surely be a mortal impact. Time seemed to slow as she faced her demise, accepting but not unafraid. The rumbling beneath her feet increased, the sound almost deafening as the distance between them lessened.

How poetic, she thought, that after having lived for several thousand years, after having found the courage to finally break free from a life of blind servitude, after having fought and survived a war, she would finally meet her end at the hands of the one she was sure she didn't want to live without.

The worst part of it all? Amethyst would never know how she felt. She would never have a clue as to how deeply she was cared for. Pearl herself, had only just recently become aware that her feelings for the younger gem ran far deeper than she had ever dared admit to herself. That is, until she had been faced with the prospect of losing her.

And they _had_ lost her. Amethyst was lost.

If she had only recognized her feelings for what they were sooner and been truthful, maybe Amethyst would have believed her. If she hadn't pushed her own insecurities onto her so often in the past, maybe Amethyst would have trusted her enough to just _talk_ to her. If she had known how much she meant to her; to _everyone_ , maybe she would have understood that they really _did_ think she was perfect exactly the way she was - that she didn't need to be 'better'.

Pearl had replayed the scenarios over and over again in her mind - everything she should have said and done differently to make her stay. If she had just relinquished her pride and allowed herself to be honest when it was most needed, she would have stopped her. She would have held her, and apologized for every hurtful thing she'd ever said or done. She would have kissed her. She would never have let her walk away. She would have done everything in her power to save her, and if she were not able, at the very least, Amethyst would have known that she was wanted, that she was loved, that Pearl would gladly give her own life to spare her from this torment.

But it was too late now.

A single tear rolled down her cheek in silent mourning of all that could have been and all that never would be. With a final hope that Amethyst might someday find her light once again, Pearl resigned herself to her fate.


	2. Cause and Effect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally got this chapter out in time for V-day and Pearlmethyst bomb, not that it's terribly romantic or anything.
> 
> This chapter turned out to be a lot more introspective than I thought it would be. I wanted to flesh out Pearl and Ame's background a bit and kind of establish how their relationship has changed over time and where it is at this point.
> 
> As usual, constructive criticism is my friend. Please feel free to tell me where I can make improvements.

Several months ago...

Ever since retrieving the drill head from the Kindergarten with Steven and Peridot, Amethyst had been acting strangely, even for her. She had become unusually quiet and withdrawn.

At first, neither Garnet or Pearl had been overly concerned. It was quite rare, but in the time they had been with their small teammate, she had been known to have brief periods of introspection. They had learned it was best to leave her to her thoughts and let her have her space when she got like this. In a few days she would be back to her rambunctious, happy-go-lucky self.

At least, she always was before.

After a week had gone by with no improvement, Pearl had to admit she was growing slightly worried. The only time she saw the purple gem anymore was when she would catch her leaving her room to grab a few items from the refrigerator, before making a quick retreat with her haul. When the gem wasn’t holed up in her room, she would be off on her own somewhere, often for hours at a time, somehow managing to sneak in and out while everyone else was occupied. She had even begun to neglect missions, much to Garnet’s chagrin.

Pearl had tried to be patient with her, having, on multiple occasions attempted to get Amethyst to talk about what was bothering her. In the fleeting moments that the shorter gem actually made an appearance, however, her endeavors had been met with brief, disinterested mumbles and hasty exits.

Having no luck with the direct approach, Pearl’s next course of action had been to question Steven about what exactly had gone on during the trio’s excursion to the Kindergarten. While he didn’t go into much detail, she was able to gather that there had been an exchange between Amethyst and Peridot. Apparently, the green gem had made some insensitive remarks that hadn’t set well with the other. Though, he wasn’t convinced of this being the cause of Amethyst’s antisocial behavior as he had personally witnessed the two making up. Things should have been fine between them now.

Obviously though, things were _not_ fine and Pearl couldn’t help but wonder exactly what Peridot could have said to make the normally thick-skinned gem so upset. Whatever it was, for Amethyst to be avoiding everyone like this, it must have been pretty bad, and knowing her prideful teammate, she had probably only pretended to be unaffected, especially in front of Steven.

Despite the aloof, tough exterior their feisty gem liked to project, Pearl was beginning to learn that Amethyst was a lot more sensitive and insecure about things than she ever let on.

It had only taken her a couple millennia to realize it. A pang of guilt twinged within her chest. It seemed to happen frequently these days.

It had been several months since the two of them had come to blows back at the Kindergarten, and though neither of them had spoken about it since, Pearl found her thoughts drifting back to that day often -- the image of Amethyst’s pained, tear-streaked face seemingly burned into her mind.

It wasn’t the first time they had fought that way. No, Amethyst’s anger was something Pearl had become quite accustomed to over their countless years together, and neither she or Garnet were unfamiliar with her tantrums. Mostly, they were minor events, but on occasion they tended to become violent and destructive. Still, it had been decades since Pearl had seen Amethyst go off like that.

In the past, the resulting clashes had never ended well for their small teammate. She was usually too stubborn to submit, leaving them with no other option than to subdue her by force before she could cause any lasting damage.

Pearl had feared their latest conflict would end in a similar manner. She had been particularly reluctant to injure the younger gem, especially with Steven present, but in the end, Amethyst had left her stunned.

Pearl still recalled the moment with vivid clarity -- the way passionate, indigo eyes dimmed as their fire was swiftly extinguished, the way her small body slumped with exhaustion, the fight all but drained from her, and finally, the tears that flowed with abandon as she buckled beneath the weight of eons of repressed anguish. In that moment, Pearl suddenly recognized Amethyst’s ‘anger’ for what it truly was -- hurt.

For a large part of her existence, their young comrade had somehow come to negatively associate herself with the Kindergarten. Ultimately, she had arrived at the conclusion that, because she had been a product of that terrible place, she too must be bad.

For Pearl, the revelation had been both heart-breaking and eye-opening. Personally, she found the notion preposterous. In fact, she had always found it quite ironic that Amethyst was exactly the opposite of everything the place had stood for. Until their discussion that day, however, she had never shared her thoughts on the matter with the other gem. She had always just assumed Amethyst knew how she felt.

For someone who prided herself on her own perceptiveness and vast knowledge, Pearl realized, she could be exceptionally dense.

Had it really been so long since the smaller gem dared show any kind of vulnerability around her, that Pearl allowed herself to believe in the facade Amethyst had presented all this time? Or was it that she chose not to see past it -- to merely ignore it, as she had practically ignored Amethyst herself, for the past 14 years?  

Did she even really know Amethyst at all anymore? What else was her young teammate hiding? Did she ever talk to Garnet about how she felt? Did she have _anyone_ to talk to? All of these, and more, were questions that plagued her lately.

To further add to Pearl’s shame, was the knowledge that, in her ignorance, she had been adding insult to injury. With each condescending remark and every critical jab delivered carelessly over the years, she had been planting seeds and affirming doubts that had indubitably bred distrust and contempt between them.

Lately, In her spare moments, usually at night when things were quiet, Pearl found herself dwelling on the ‘whys’ of how they had ended up here, and even more so on everything she should have done differently to change the outcome.

Before Rose had left them, the two had actually been quite close.

Pearl, having trained many Homeworld defectors during the rebellion, had been nominated by Rose to teach the younger gem how to fight. Not one to deny the gem of her affections anything, she had eagerly accepted the task.

Much to her irritation, however, Amethyst had proven to be a rather challenging pupil. She could rarely keep herself still, let alone sit and listen to Pearl’s lectures. Ever impatient and impulsive, the restless gem had been far more interested in the actual act of fighting rather than learning the fundamentals behind it.

Ultimately, with much perseverance and compromise on both ends, their training had begun to pay off, and before long Amethyst was able to summon and wield her weapon as surely as if she had been doing it her whole life.

The two had continued to train together often, Pearl being of the philosophy that one could never truly be finished improving upon their skills. By this time, Amethyst had grown quite attached to her staunch instructor, rarely wanting to leave her side. Even back then, in her playful innocence, the small gem had enjoyed going out of her way to tease her, taking limitless pleasure at getting her ever-serious teammate to crack a smile or stifle a laugh.

Though Pearl was scarce to admit it, she found their spunky comrade's presence to be quite refreshing. Truth be told, she had always slightly envied Amethyst’s guileless nature. Constantly thirsty for life, the young gem drank in each new experience with pure excitement and wonder, never holding back for fear of anything -- eternally curious yet naive, brave but severely reckless, uninhibited and honest, and unlike the rest of them, unbroken and pure.

Upon further deliberation, however, Pearl realized that, for far too long, in her oblivious disregard, she had merely seen what she wanted to see, overlooking many of the complexities that made up their smaller companion.

This had brought her to the simple-minded conjecture that, because the younger gem had been spared the pain of war, because she had never longed for a home she couldn’t go back to, because her time knowing Rose had been relatively short in comparison to hers and Garnet’s, Amethyst couldn’t contend with their suffering.

She had been so very, stupidly, wrong. She was shamefully aware of that now. Amethyst’s pain was different than her own, but it was no less valid.

Pearl also suspected, that it was likely because Amethyst had _not_ been present for a majority of the Crystal Gems’ history, that she still had trouble feeling like she fit in.

She understood now, why Rose had always gone out of her way to include the little gem in their endeavors, even when she and Garnet felt her presence would be more detrimental than helpful.

Unlike herself, their compassionate leader had always been incredibly perceptive when it came to the needs of others.

Rose.

She had been their foundation, and with her passing, Pearl’s world had crumbled and threatened to swallow her alive. So lost and absorbed in her own grief, she spared no thought as to how their leader’s death may have affected her teammates. As far as she had been concerned at the time, the only person she had ever loved was gone. Nothing else mattered.

She knew she had been selfish.

It was with much regret that she recalled how horribly she’d treated the smaller gem when, after weeks of granting Pearl her space (likely at Garnet’s insistence), Amethyst had finally come to her, seeking her companionship and comfort as she had been wont to do when she was upset.

But Pearl, so wrapped up in resentment and heartache, had lashed out, unleashing all her pent up misery on the well-intentioned gem.

She would never forgive herself for the terrible things she had said that day.

* * *

**14 years ago...**

She sat perched on the edge of the secluded, strawberry-covered landmass she knew so well. The tracks of recent tears stained her cheeks as she vacantly stared off into the dark night. A gentle breeze stirred the leaves and grass around her. She would have found it beautiful on any other occasion, but right now it only seemed to mock her.  

“Pearl?” a quiet, raspy voice whispered.

The taller gem hadn’t heard it though, so completely enveloped in her own mind, oblivious to her surroundings. If it had been an enemy come to kill her, she would have been easy pickings.

“Pearl…?” Amethyst tried again, a bit louder this time as she moved closer, placing a chubby palm lightly against a pale shoulder.

With a startled gasp, Pearl violently recoiled from the touch as though she had been burned, the sudden movement causing Amethyst to draw back in alarm.

“I-I’m sorry!” The purple gem blurted.

For a moment their eyes met, Pearl’s expression unreadable. She turned away, sniffing as she tried to collect herself. After an awkward silence, she spoke, her voice raw from an earlier screaming session. “What are you doing here?”

“I-I just… I missed...” The small gem hesitated, rubbing her arm across her eyes, trying to keep her tears at bay. “Can I stay with you?”

For a brief moment, Pearl considered the request. Part of her wanted to accept, to drown her sorrows, at least for a little while, in the comfort the smaller gem could provide, but a larger part, the part of her that felt betrayed and angry, wanted a target.

“Can you stay with me?” she repeated quietly, her tone laced with an underlying icyness. “Why would I let you stay with me after what you’ve done?”

“W-wha? Amethyst was taken aback, unable to wrap her mind around the sudden hostility being directed at her. What had she done? Her bottom lip trembled.

“You’re the one who let that _filthy_ human near Rose in the first place!” Pearl continued, her voice gradually rising, unrelenting. “She’s gone because of you! You know that, right? This is _your_ fault!”

Amethyst backed away slowly, shaking her head in disbelief at the vitriol leaving her tall friend's mouth, tears pooling in her eyes, but Pearl wasn’t finished yet.

“You _still_ want someone to take care of you?! Well, she’s gone, Amethyst!” her voice cracked, a familiar heat stinging at her own her eyes. She knew had already gone too far, but she couldn’t make herself stop. “So, it’s time you grew the hell up and stopped acting like a child!” She was physically shaking now, her hands balled into tight fists at her side.

The small gem released a pained sob, thick streams of tears dripping from her chubby cheeks.

“Stop crying! You don’t get to cry!” Pearl shouted as though her own tears hadn’t begun to spill over, “You barely knew her! You have no right to mourn her!”

With those final, hateful words, Amethyst fled, her heartbroken cries echoing as she somehow managed bumble her way back down the floating cliffs.

Pearl’s breath hitched as she raised a hand to her mouth, suddenly feeling like she might be sick. Her shoulders rose and fell quickly as panic over what she had just done began to set in. She had crossed a line and she knew it.

Her whole body shook as she stared horrified after the retreating figure. She reached toward her, mouth moving wordlessly as she tried to call out, suddenly unable to find her voice. A painful sob escaped in its stead. God, it hurt. She wondered if it would ever stop hurting as she collapsed to the ground weakly, her body shuddering with sobs.

“Amethyst… I’m sorry.”

* * *

**Present day...**

It had been her fault. Pearl had pushed Amethyst away, and it had been a downward spiral for them ever since. She hadn’t meant any of it, but she had never officially apologized either. By now, it seemed far too late.

The truth was Rose had been just as much Amethyst's savior as she had been her own. When they had first come across the little Kindergarten runt, both Pearl and Garnet had been apprehensive about taking her in, but Rose had never given it a second thought. She had taken the small gem from a life of loneliness and made her feel welcome and safe, but even more than that, she had made sure that Amethyst knew she would always have a home among them.

Amethyst, of course, would have been devastated when Rose died, especially because she hadn't just lost Rose. Pearl and Garnet had practically deserted her too.

Over time, it seemed the purple gem had somehow managed to forgive, or at least tolerate her again, but their relationship had never quite gotten back off the ground. Amethyst, having gained a sense of self-reliance over the years, was much less inclined to do things Pearl's way. She had her own ideas now, along with a headstrong stubbornness to match Pearl's own. Naturally, this had lead to much contention and bickering between the two.

Since their discussion back at the Kindergarten, however, something in their dynamic had shifted. Pearl was now making a more conscious effort to be mindful of Amethyst's feelings, and Amethyst seemed to be trying as well. She found the smaller gem to be much more reasonable and open to suggestions when they weren't barked demands. In return, Amethyst contributed ideas of her own, which Pearl actually listened to, often finding herself surprised at how much she'd been underestimating her younger teammate.

More and more, it seemed, they had begun to enjoy just being around each other again, and Pearl found that she didn't get as easily annoyed at Amethyst's teasing. In fact, she was getting pretty good at giving back as well as she got, the result occasionally leaving the other gem unexpectedly tongue tied or profusely blushing. Pearl couldn't deny that she found the effect to be quite adorable. It was nice to be able to relax, and even laugh for a change, instead of always feeling on edge as she had been for so long.

In battle, they were more in sync than they had been in a long time, working in tandem, able to communicate with merely a glance - The other always prepared and exactly where she needed to be with barely a word spoken between them.

Even forming Opal took much less effort, both gems more willing to give and take when it came to their partner's dancing style. While they still only relied on Opal when necessary, Pearl had actually begun looking forward to opportunities to fuse with the smaller gem, even going so far as to find random excuses to do so. It was separating that had become the difficult part. She couldn't speak for Amethyst, but where Pearl had once found a sense of relief in unraveling, there was now a feeling of loss and yearning for the peace and connection that only Opal could give them.

Their relationship still wasn't perfect, but they were making great strides. While they occasionally slipped back into old habits, they were much quicker to realize their mistakes and make amends. With a little more time and understanding, Pearl hoped they would eventually be able to repair some of the damage caused over the years.

Recent events, however, had definitely caused a setback in their progress, and if her inkling was correct, it had everything to do with the little, green captive they had been harboring for the last few weeks.

A wave of protective anger surged through her when she the thought of the Homeworld gem. If Peridot thought she could just barge into their lives with her ignorant commentary and tactless nature, only to mess up everything Pearl had been working so hard to rebuild these last few months, she had another thing coming. The little pipsqueak was going to learn that there were consequences to her actions.

Determined, she hastily made her way to the barn, knowing she would find her target there.

As expected, Peridot was hard at work on the drill. They were supposed to be working on it together, but the last few days Pearl found herself unable to fully focus on the task, her concern over the purple gem causing her to become distracted to the point that she kept making minor mistakes - a fact Peridot had not hesitated to point out. She was becoming more of a hindrance than help and she couldn't deny it. Begrudgingly, she had conceded to let the small mechanic take over for the time being.

The tiny gem didn't see her approach as she was facing away from her. She was perched precariously on a small ladder, bent over the contraption at an odd angle, apparently making some kind of adjustments.

Seeing a this as a perfect opportunity for a little punishment, the pale gem wasted no time beginning her interrogation, loudly.

"What did you say to Amethyst?!"

"Wha?!" Peridot squeaked and jumped in surprise, smacking her head on the open panel just above her, the ladder coming out from under her feet as she flailed awkwardly for a few seconds before swiftly meeting the ground with her chin. "Ow..."

Pearl did her best to hide the small, satisfied smile at her intended result. "I believe you heard me," she continued firmly, "What did you say to her?"

The green gem picked herself up rapidly, dusting herself off in annoyance. These crystal gems had no manners. "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't spoken to Amethyst in days." she defended, pouting slightly.

"At the Kindergarten!" the tall gem clarified, clearly bothered. "What did you say to her to make her so upset?"

At this, Peridot, gave a slight blush and shifted her gaze downward guiltily. "Oh... that."

"Yes, that!" Pearl huffed, her anger flaring brightly.

"She's...still...?" The gem spoke quietly, still glancing at her feet, before looking up at Pearl in confusion."B-but I already apologized! She led me to believe that we were... 'cool'."

"Oh really?" Pearl cocked an eyebrow. "Then why has she been acting so strangely ever since she returned?"

"I-I… don't know?" Peridot shrugged glancing up at the pale gem, smiling awkwardly, hoping she would accept this answer and they could be finished with this interrogation. Unfortunately, given the glare she was now receiving, luck did not appear to be on her side. Her smile fell and she released a frustrated groan. "You crystal gems are all so emotional! It's confusing!"

Placing her hands on her hips, Pearl bent down so that she was eye level with the tiny gem, scowl firmly in place. "What did you say to her, you little twerp?!"

Peridot sighed, backing away slightly. "I simply told her the truth! It was not my intention to upset her… I already told her I was sorry! It was very difficult!"

"What.Did.You.Say?" Pearl's tone was icy as she enunciated each word, rising again to her full height, moving closer, fists raised as she seemed to tower over the tiny gem.

Peridot squeaked in fear, putting her hands out defensively in front of her, wincing in preparation for the blow. This Pearl may have _looked_ delicate, but the tiny gem knew first-hand that she could pack a punch. "I-I thought it was funny! I didn't know it would hurt her feelings!" She cried desperately "A-all I said was that _she_ should be the one leading… not the perma-fu- eh Garnet. I… told her that she was small for an Amethyst… I... said she was d-defective… b-but in my defense, I thought she knew! How was I supposed to know that she didn't know?!"

"You… told her... _what_?!"

Peridot closed her eyes, turning away, attempting to shield her face as best as she could with her arms. Now she was in for it, she was sure, but after seconds passed with no incoming blows, she dared to crack open an eye to see what was taking so long, but the taller gem wasn't even looking at her anymore. She simply stood there, hands over her mouth as if in shock.

"Oh... Amethyst," she breathed quietly, her gaze far away.

Peridot relaxed slightly, feeling a bit concerned, in spite of herself. What did this mean? She dared ask a question, knowing she was likely provoking a reaction she'd hoped to avoid. "Why um... Why doesn't she know?"

Pearl glanced down at the small gem, her anger all but deflated, replaced with something else. "We never told her..."

"Ah." Typically her first reaction to a response such as this was annoyance and impatience. Yes, she had gathered that they hadn't told her. That wasn't what she had asked, but she knew it would not be received well, so she simply responded. "Um... Why not?"

"I don't know, really... Maybe because she was just so happy to finally... not be alone. She was so innocent..." Pearl sighed, closing her eyes briefly, looking pained as she placed a palm against her forehead. "She wasn't like them. She didn't need to know that."

Peridot nodded. It was true. This Amethyst was nothing like the ones on she had encountered on Homeworld. They were ruthless, loyal soldiers meant for only one purpose: to destroy.

"I'm... sorry." She was surprised at how easily the apology came this time. She had only known of the Crystal Gems' existence for what seemed like mere moments in the expanse of her lifetime, and for most of that time they had been enemies. Still, somehow, witnessing Steven and them being a family to each other, she couldn't help but to envy the connection they shared. It was so different from anything she'd experienced on Homeworld. Part of her longed to be a part of it, while another part was completely repulsed by the idea.

Pearl nodded, slightly taken aback at the sincerity in the Homeworlder's apology. She looked down at her momentarily, though her gaze seemed, once again, unfocused, her mind obviously occupied. "It's… not your fault. I-I'm sorry too." She glanced toward the warp pad. "Thank you." She spoke absently. "I have to go. She- I need to talk to her."

With that, Pearl hurried off, leaving Peridot to stare after her with a puzzled frown.

"Thank you? For what?" She spoke aloud, despite the taller gem having already warped away. Contemplating briefly, she wondered if she would ever truly understand all of these complicated emotions and 'feelings'. Did she even want to? Probably not, she decided. They only seemed to get in the way of... well, everything.

It appeared she was the only rational one here. What would these Crystal Gems do without her?

Sit back and wait for the cluster to swallow this planet whole, apparently. She shrugged and released a loud sigh, before getting back to work. These clods were going to owe her big time when this was all over.

 


End file.
